My Room With No View

My room was very deep and dark,

Devoid of light; devoid of windows.

I just woke up in it one day.

I had no idea how I got there.

I was sitting in waist deep water.

The water was cold and black.

And, I just sat there.

 

Some days it was oppressive.

With cold, dark water all around.

Some days it was thick, sticky tar.

It held me firmly in its grip.

I couldn’t stand up.

I couldn’t move.

So, I just sat there.

 

I was cold and uncomfortable.

Alone in the dark.

But I felt safe.

I felt protected.

The walls shielded me.

The cold absorbed my pain.

Thus, I just sat there.

 

I knew I couldn’t stay.

I knew I had to get out.

But I didn’t want to.

Most days I didn’t try.

I was secure in there.

Where no-one could hurt me.

Hence, I just sat there.

 

My husband found a door.

A secret entry way.

He started to visit.

Every now and then.

And I didn’t stop him.

I let our girls visit too.

While, I just sat there.

 

I knew they didn’t like it.

I knew it was hard on them.

They never stayed long.

It hurt to see them leave.

I didn’t want them to go.

It hurt being there alone.

Still, I just sat there.

 

I realised, I was making it dark.

They’d shown me their light.

I didn’t like the dark any longer.

I realised, I was making it cold.

They’d shown me their warmth.

I didn’t want to feel cold any longer.

As, I just sat there.

 

I knew I had to stop.

It had to come to an end.

I realised, I didn’t like it there.

I realised, it was up to me.

So day by day, I let in a little light.

Inch by inch, I let in a little warmth.

Although, I just sat there.

 

At first, I saw some light.

Ancient pinprick stars.

Their glow reaching down.

Bathing me in gladness.

Filling me with yearning.

Calling out to me.

Yet, I just sat there.

 

Soon the Sun provided heat.

Warmth began to blanket me.

A light within me sparked.

Embers began to glow.

My eyes began to see.

My ears began to hear.

Albeit, I just sat there.

 

High above my head.

Loving faces appeared.

From a not so distant place.

Familiar voices called.

Brighter rays of light shone.

Vanquishing pain, heralding warmth.

Though, I just sat there.

 

Three long years I sat.

In my room with no view.

Alone, in the dark.

Consumed by despair.

Shrouded in hopelessness.

Then one day . . . I just stood up.

And, there I sat no more.

9 Comments

  1. I recognize this as a journey out of depression and into life! Congratulations on a great journey….If this wasn’t your journey, you certainly have the ability to share from a first person perspective. Good Job!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you for your feedback. Yes it was my journey, one I completed many years ago. Even so, it is an aspect of my life that still lingers close, reminding me to step forward, not backwards.

      Clare

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  2. So beautifully told. We all have THOSE rooms where we find ourselves trapped at times. Mine may not look like yours, but it sure as heck feels the same. Thank you, Clare, for articulating it so well. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Clare my dragonfly friend Calen cares for you and I think she has most exquisite taste. Your work was honest and beautiful. Wonderful job!

    Like

    Reply

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